Sunday, August 17, 2008
Blog War: Cut-Offs
Reduce, reuse, recycle is all the rage right now. As an environmentalist, feminist, handicraft-er, and human being… I’m all for that. But let it be said that some items should not be reused. The first that comes to mind being toilet paper, tampons… you probably get the idea.
A non-reusuable that is less obvious but still poses as great a health/safety risk? Cut-offs. Yes. Cut-offs. Pants cut into shorts and most commonly with the frayed threads still hanging.
Cut-Offs as Health/Safety Risk Reason #1:
Say you get it into your head that cut-offs are a good idea. Say you decide to wear said cut-offs to work. Say your profession falls outside the category of landscaper or exotic dancer. Management might not be too thrilled with your fashion sense, especially if the big boss comes around. Being someone who was already clever enough to cut your pants into shorts, you think of a quick remedy. Why not just staple those frayed ends up? It seems like a good idea until shortly thereafter when you’re bleeding from the thighs. You silently pray your tetanus booster is up to date and curse your now bloody cut-offs.
Cut-Offs as Health/Safety Risk Reason #2:
Say you are an innocent young shoe salesperson (who happens to hate feet). Say a man purposefully makes his way to you. You can tell he’s on a mission and quickly take in his details sensing a full description will somehow be necessary. Thick glasses, long wavy sandy brown ponytail fastened at the nape of the neck, white muscle tank slightly stained, gold chain hanging to the base of the ribs, and… cut-offs. Breathing heavily, he quickly explains he’s shopping for his girlfriend and inquires as to “which shoes will make a clicking sound when you walk?” Assuming he finds that sound annoying you point out all the shoes that will not slap the bottom of the foot. Wrong. Apparently, the more clickety-clackety… the better. You’ve been on the verge of repulsion but finally dive in after a special request: “You are my girlfriend’s size. Will you walk around in these shoes so I can hear how they will click?” With a quick glance to the groin and a wave of nausea you know walking in those shoes is the last thing you’ll ever do. “Um… we don’t do that here!” Essentially you’ve just learned a lesson…cut-offs = perverts.
Cut-Offs as Health/Safety Risk Reason #3:
Say there’s a heat wave. Say half the male population sheds their shirts. The only appropriate bottoms to the absence of a top? Cut-offs. They zip up their cut-offs then head down the streets. Distracted driver upon driver are perplexed over a seemingly unreported shirt caper while simultaneously squinting to read denim labels. Car wrecks are nobody’s friend (excluding auto body shops).
Clearly, the health and safety risks associated with cut-offs are far greater than the reward of feeling as though you temporarily saved spaced in a landfill. Environmentalists take note: In this instance, it is far better to toss it than to cut it.